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Burger Chain Fires 200 Employees Following Rise in Minimum Wage (parody)

Machines need maintenance, not a paycheck.

LaCenter, Washington

A local McDonald’s was shut down today for a period of three hours, just long enough for the new, automated system to be brought online to serve the customers. Former employees were on hand to watch as the fast food restaurant opened to a line of waiting customers, and several of them were seen shaking their heads as they realized what they’d done.

Reportedly just a month earlier, the many employees of the restaurant banded together to demand that the owner of the establishment raise their base pay to $20, which is a little over $6 greater than the current minimum wage. When the owner attempted to compromise by raising the base pay to $16, the employees refused. When the employees confronted the manager and asked if he was prepared to lose his employees, it’s been said that several of the employees were brave enough to taunt the owner by asking him who he would replace them with. Unbeknownst to the employees, the owner, Alonso Angelo Jr., had already ordered an entire automated system worth a whopping $6.65million, not including the installation.

Sadly, this means that six other restaurants have been closed within a fifty-mile radius to absorb the cost, which indicates that if more McDonald’s were to go automated, more would close as a result. As for the employees, several of them have reportedly sought work at other fast food chains, and none of them were available for comment.

Look Out, Scams Ho!

Sure love comes with a price tag, but it should come after you meet, right?

Beware gorgeous women who start asking for money, especially if you’re suspicious enough to do a little digging and find out that those exotic-looking women who are calling you ‘dear’ and ‘babe’ and several other affectionate terms are willing to say “I love you” within a week’s time, or less. My advice to any and all of you guys out there that see this on your IG, if you have it, or on your social media, is to walk away and take pride in knowing that you avoided a scam that could end up costing you thousands or more.

Unfortunately, being a man with a weakness for beautiful women, I have been suckered in a couple of times and I’ll admit, I fell for a lot of crap even with being suspicious of the motives and words being used. Hey, it feels good to have someone talk to you and compliment you and make you feel good about yourself, right? The problem there is that you should already feel good enough about yourself to be secure in your own head and not be susceptible to the online charms of women that make a living seducing and promising those that they know they can get just by pursing their lips the right way or spreading their legs for a photo shoot.

If they say “I love you”, then go the other way.

Kissa Sins is a former porn star, and good for her, but if you can’t see who you’re talking to, then be wary, or be gone. Those are two of the best options.

Far be it from me to judge anyone’s life when it comes to what they’ve done, what they do, and how they earn their living. But after speaking to so many ‘women’ (yes, there’s good chance you’re talking to a scammer that’s well-versed in how to type sexy words onto the screen) it’s fair to say that trusting everyone simply because they’re nice to you denotes a lack of self-awareness on your part. You’re not that dumb; just remember that and ask the questions you need to in order to flush out the scammers and possibly, just possibly, find the real person beneath the garbage.

Don’t send money, and I mean EVER.

Angela White, aka Rose Thelma Blair, or whatever she’s going by now, is another porn star who will tell you a sob story about being broke when the truth is that her net worth is more than most people will ever see in their lives.

You’re bound to get some sort of sob story such as the woman can’t leave their current residence since they’re broke, they’re being looked after by someone, they have no money, blah, blah, blah. Seriously, if they have no money then how are they on the internet? Even with the ability to mooch off of others, this service doesn’t come free. And do yourself a favor and take a look at the pictures they’re sending you. Do they look broke? Do they look like they’re starving or put out? How the hell are they surviving if they’re as bad off as they say? Oh sure, there are plenty of extenuating circumstances that could come into play and some women might be telling the truth, but this isn’t a time to #believeallwomen.

My point, guys, is this. I know what it’s like to be lonely and I know that talking to someone online can feel damned good. But if they tell you they love you right away, or start asking for money, move on. There’s nothing there but a steaming pile that you don’t need to deal with.

Be safe guys, know who you’re talking to.

Single Mother Fends Off “Peaceful” Protestors (parody)

What It's like to Be a Single Mom | ParentMap

Vancouver, WA

One might have thought that 2016 to 2020 would be the last that anyone might have heard of ‘peaceful’ protests initiated by those who believed themselves to be downtrodden and demoralized by a simple election, but only a few days ago a single mother in Vancouver, WA found it necessary to remind a group of protestors that black bloc has gone out of style and that no one has any time for such antics any longer. Mother of one, Tanequa Harrison, was at home with her 3-year old son, Colin, when she noticed flickering lights accompanied by shouts of ‘Down with Trump’ and many other similar cries ringing throughout the streets.

“I thought all that noise was put behind us a couple of years ago,” Tanequa stated, laughing, “I thought those folks looting and smashing buildings and plugging up the streets years ago were bad enough. A bunch of morons causin’ a bunch of noise for no good reason. I mean really, they’re not teaching anyone anything, other than how to be patient with the rising ignorance that’s such a problem in our society these days.”

When protestors noticed Tanequa standing on front stoop, several of them began to catcall her in an effort to make her realize that her home was an example of white privilege. When two of them tried to force her back inside, Tanequa refused, and gave them a piece of her mind, as well as her right shoe. The two protestors threatened to call the police, but were beaten to the punch when it was revealed that two police officers had been following the protestors to ensure that no one was hurt. Upon seeing the disturbance, the protesters were arrested and charged accordingly.

“They tried to push me back into my home talking about ‘white privilege’ and stuff. I did exactly what my own mother would have done, I tried to knock some sense into them with my shoe. They didn’t know how to react at first, but then they said they’d call the cops. Lucky for me the cops were already around.”

At this time, Tanequa has not been charged, but the two protesters, who have been identified as Antifa members, have been charged with assault.

Barista Backs Down Angry Mob (parody)

Worst parts of working at Starbucks, according to baristas - Business  Insider

Portland, OR

In an event that has been described by many bystanders as stunning and yet ‘undeniably pathetic’, a local barista took a stand against an angry mob a few days ago. Martha Mayhew, one of the top baristas in the city, had a minor supply setback on September 1st and had to decide whether to open shop or stay closed for the day, which would have lost her coffee stand a substantial amount of business for the day and possibly for month had she not acted quickly and decisively.

“I already had an angry mob on my doorstep, and I wish I was exaggerating” Martha stated, “They were threatening to break in and get their morning coffee on their own if I didn’t open the doors. I’m happy that I have such a devoted number of customers, but I didn’t expect them to threaten me if they didn’t get their morning bean juice. I mean, come on, I know that Portlanders are crazy about their coffee, but there’s a shop every few hundred yards, there was no need to get aggressive.”

Reportedly, Martha slipped out the back of the shop in order to find the nearest grocers after discovering that the store hadn’t resupplied by the owner the week before. While the owner wasn’t available for comment, Martha has made it clear that she feels lucky to have the help of the local grocer, who decided to remain nameless, since the individual not only helped to resupply the store, but agreed to wave a substantial portion of their fee for this act of kindness. As for Martha, the savior of the day, many of the disgruntled and under-caffeinated Portland natives were duly impressed, after they overcame their irritation, when she calmly told them that they could wait patiently for their morning latte, or they could make their way to the next coffee shop down the street.

“She was calm and composed,” said one of those who threatened to break down the doors, “She actually told me I could park it and wait or move my happy a** down the way. Normally I’m not intimidated by anyone, but the way she said this, I felt my sphincter tremble.”

As of now, the coffee shop is back in full swing, and many of the regulars have done their best to spread the belief that Martha is one of the ‘toughest baristas in all of Oregon’.


I mean, I know it’s old news, but the lesson still needs to be given.
You might be a... - Imgflip
What happens if you’re a Cardinals fan?
100+ Funny Liberal Memes That Are Impossible And Hilarious - GEEKS ON COFFEE
So let’s be fair and say it’s not all liberals…and hope that doesn’t offend anyone. If it does, meh.

Seriously, I’d love to hear thoughts on this, even if they’re not thoughts I agree with. The fact that these ideas and memes are still accurate is kind of sad, but it’s a crazy world we live in.

Here’s a fun subject: Character Development

The more detail you use, the more believable your characters become.

Every element of a book is important since all elements that are being used need to come together in a way that makes the audience believe that the story is worth more than just reading, it’s worth believing in. The setting, the tone, the look and feel of the different areas that come together to make the story what it is, all of it makes a difference since all of it has to do with pushing the story forward and creating something that people will want to know more about.

But the characters are what will really drive your story, since the setting and the tone won’t deliver the tale on their own.

So, how do you create a character?

It’s exceedingly simple, but the details that will go into it can make things so much harder than they need to be. Some people try to flesh their characters out too quickly, and in doing so they rush things and their character isn’t given the proper time and space to develop. It sounds a bit silly to some folks, especially since these are fictional characters we’re talking about. But if your character doesn’t sound real enough for the story they belong to, then you won’t find yourself with a clear and detailed individual that people can see, hear, and understand. That last part might not need to come for a while, since twists and turns in your story might change your mind as to the nature of your character. But having a grounding point from which to work is important since as the author, you should know everything there is to know about your character.

The basics of creating a character need to be addressed. Without the basics you have a ghost with a few vague descriptions to go on.

Most authors already know this, but there a few very basic pieces of information that need to go into your characters to get the ball rolling, such as:

  1. Appearance: Are they short, tall, medium height? What’s their hair color, their skin color? Do they have a noticeable characteristic that sets them apart? Do they wear one type of clothing or many different types?
  2. Personality: Are they serious, snarky, or timid? Do they get along with others, or are they social outcasts? There are a lot of different personality types out there, but assigning or or two to your character is a wise move.
  3. Lifestyle/Culture: Are they cisgender, or are they part of the LGBTQ+ community? Are they immigrants? Are they native to their homeland? These are tidbits that go deeper into a character’s past and identity, and might even be called controversial, but it’s worth taking the time to develop.

Oh, don’t worry, there’s much more to come, but for now, think about these things and how you want to apply them.

The Devil in the Details-Revisions and Rewrites

One way or another, you will miss something when you’re writing.

No one likes having to think about it since the idea is that authors can write and wow their audience with their ability to tell a story. But the truth that a lot of people don’t like to own up to, but will learn if they’re smart, is that they will need to revise or rewrite their story from time to time. Revisions aren’t fun, seriously, they’re not. Rewrites are even worse since essentially you’ll find yourself needing to write entire pages, entire chapters all over again to work on the clarity, the spelling, the grammar, anything that your editor tells you needs to be done. If you don’t, well, then there’s a good chance that a publisher won’t want to work with you, a literary agent won’t give you a second look, and whatever writing career you want will go up in smoke before it ever has a chance to develop.

But that’s why we’re here. That’s why writing sites like this exist, to help you out and give you the hard lessons that you need, or the attention that you might want and need to improve your writing. Personally, I don’t like revisions and rewrites, I’ve had to do this way too often in my career, but I understand the need for it, I get the idea that it’s important to improve your skill set and write in a manner that people can understand and come to enjoy.

I’ll get into rewrites and revision again, believe that. But for now, my parting word is this: it’s going to be needed. You won’t be a perfect writer from the very start, accept that. But sites like this exist to help you, to give you tips and advice, and the lot of us will make sure that you get what you need to improve your writing in ways you might not have thought possible.

We’re here to help, so take advantage of that.

Sometimes You Can Write with Pictures

Just pay attention, some of this relevant and some of it is fun.

It’s way, WAY too accurate, isn’t it?
Hands up, how many people have had this issue?
It’s kind of an inevitability.
Yes, it’s exhausting.
Hey, they copied my filing method…
Eh? Eh? Eh…
You thought it was deadlines, didn’t you?
Crazy is a writer’s default setting.
The maniacal laugh comes with time.
As long as your name is out there, you’re on the right track.

See? Funny stuff, right? Welcome to the writing world, enjoy.

What Do You Want to Write?

What story do you want to tell?

Everyone has a story to tell, and only you can tell it in your voice, no matter how skilled a mimic someone might become. I’ve already said ‘don’t write for the money’, but you’ll hear me harp on that and many other subjects over and over until it’s reverberating in your skull. Why? That’s simple, because you’re the writer, the one with a story to tell, and the focus that you need to gather around before you start expanding your awareness to those that are ready to hear the same tale. It sounds vague and a little off-key, doesn’t it? But the truth is if you want to write, you’ll listen to the crazy just as much as the rational side of your mind since creating harmony between the two is sometimes essential to make this process work.

You’ve got a story to tell, right? You might as well make it interesting and let both sides of your personality, or all sides, have their say from time to time.

Are you a poet or a novelist?

So, you have a way with words, yeah? What way is that? Do you like to rhyme, do you feel a cadence within each word that has to be adhered to and/or applied in a manner that makes sense as you lead people down your path? Or are you the type to take an idea and guide people down the twisting highways of your imagination? A person can do both, but the strain that’s bound to come is going to be immense after a while since different styles of writing demand a lot and the respect due to each style is great enough that one should take the time to understand what they’re trying to accomplish. If you’re into telling epic tales that people will want to keep reading, then a short story, a novella, or a novel might be the best way to go. But if you can tell a story in a few lines of poetry then congrats, you’ve mastered another skill that is exceedingly tough.

Which style is more discerning? Well, that’s complicated, especially since according to many people, there are many different styles to adhere to, methods to apply, and techniques that will allow you to write in a manner that will attract the notice of those who will gladly pay you for your works. If I could roll my eyes on the page at the moment I would be, trust me. But, moving on.

There are hurdles to get past.

You’re not going to be a fantastic, best-selling writer from the start, just get that idea out of your head right now. If you do find success easily and without struggle, then I do feel sorry for you, since much like the life of a musician or an actor, adversity helps writers to get better at their craft, to hone their skills, and to find the necessary emotion to put into their works so that people will FEEL what they’re talking about and really get into the idea of what’s been written. Those who find success early and easily, sorry, but you might have the right connections to make it happen; it doesn’t mean you have the talent to sustain a long-lasting career. Remember Eragon? Everyone thought that kid was amazing for turning in a series at such a young age. But the trouble is that by taking elements from other stories in such a manner, one becomes a copycat, which is only a step up from being a plagiarist, and while his story became popular, it’s more of a testament to how fickle the fans are than to how great his work was or wasn’t.

Like it or not, you’ll have to get better at writing, you’ll need to listen to critiques, you’ll have to rewrite parts of your great works, and if you want to get noticed, you’ll have to work for it. This profession isn’t easy, it’s not kind, and it’s not about to see you succeed unless you’re willing to tear yourself apart and rebuild to get where you want to be. You might be a talented writer, but if you want to be a successful writer, you’ll have to work harder than you ever have before.

Write for you, then write for others.

This is one point that I will always give out for free since it’s one of the best ways to go when it comes to writing. Write what you like, write for yourself, and make sure that you like what you’re writing. This is you, this is your life, your mind, your thoughts and hopes that are spilling onto the page. If you don’t like it, how is anyone else supposed to?

The truth is that not everyone will like what you write. Face that, get over it, and understand that you can’t please 100 percent of the people 100 percent of the time. Shoot, if you’ve worked in food service or retail you should already know that much. But write what you want, write what makes you happy, and if people give you ideas on how to improve and how to make it better, at least give them them the time of day and listen. They’re not making demands, they’re simply telling you what might work and what they think your writing could benefit from.

Be happy in what you do, but be willing to listen to ways that might make it better. That’s one way you become a better writer, and how you learn to become a great writer. Write what you want, and then make it better.

Writing is Important to Society. But Why?

From writing out your grocery list to creating an epic tale, society depends heavily on writing.

The ability to write is far more important than some folks are willing to admit since using the symbols we call numbers and letters into stories that have meaning and emotional content is how civilization has been built. Writing, much like mathematics, is a part of everything in a very fundamental way. While math might exist without words in every facet of nature, writing is the method by which we connect one facet of life to another as we seek to give meaning to the world in which we exist. To put it simply, writing is another form of communication that keeps people together and forms a foundation that can be built upon.

Oral Communication vs. The Written Word

When one thinks about it, quite a bit of human history, from culture and tradition to simple facets of life that are important for survival, were at one time handed down orally from one person to another. The only problem with this is that at one point, even the most astute storyteller will start to forget pertinent facts. The human mind is vast and can contain a myriad of facts and data, but at some point, the flesh and blood organ between our ears will wear out and show its limits. The written word is a means by which people have been able to convey meaning to one another in one way or another. By this method, humanity has built a foundation that has existed for far longer than anyone can recall.

If one looks back across the vastness of history they’ll realize that writing has influenced a great many things that have come to pass, and continues to do so. Without getting too deep into the subject, writing is how we mark our history, the passing of years, and the many occurrences that people deem to be important to the continued evolution of humankind. Writing is how we continue to build, to change, and to evolve. Without it, we become ignorant of our own history, and without knowledge of the past or the present, it’s possible that civilization would break down in a very big way.

What does writing mean to you?

A lot of people don’t take into account what writing really means or why it’s important to start with. Some folks are raised with their eyes virtually glued to a TV screen or a device that can give them instant gratification whenever they want it. But guess what? Writing is still involved. Whether it’s a snippet or a full-length novel, or something even more grandiose in nature, writing is at the heart of it, because it is needed, it is sometimes required, and it is a method that humanity requires to communicate in several different ways.

Writing is important because it helps to remind us who we are, who we’ve been, and who we might yet become.