What You Think vs. What I Am

“You think you know me? Then you weren’t thinking.”



I’ve been called a saint, but I’ve also been called a miserable human being.

Guess who said which to my face?

I’ve been called a good man, but there’s a darkness I live with and keep close that many don’t want to know about.

I’ve been called a good father, but I hope that my children don’t ever inherit the madness I live with.

Some believe I’m sane as they are, thankfully they can’t see the inside of my head, where the chaos thrives.

Some would assume I must be one way or the other, good or bad, but fail to see where two intersect.

There is good, and there is evil, and for those that can’t abide either there is another world that must be created in order to survive.

Many people touch upon this area each and every day, sometimes never realizing it.

Those of us that exist in this space are treated as anomalies, and in many cases will be told that we are playacting, creating a role, and can only be one way or the other.

That’s cute, that others insist that their way is the only way, when many of them don’t understand the madness we embrace, or the chaos that is kept in check by the order we impose on it.

Some understand, and accept it for what it is, a self-imposed condition that rejects and accepts the world as it is, not as we’d have it. The madness in our minds is where we play, while the world outside is where we live.

You think you know me? You have no idea.



Like it or not we’re all born with the capacity to love and the capacity to hate. While one seems innate however the other seems to be taught, if we listen to conventional wisdom. Hatred is a something that must be taught it would seem, yet it seems to manifest naturally in some people just as much as empathy does in others. Wouldn’t it make sense to claim that the capacity for both is present when we’re born?

Empathy, sympathy, and compassion are wonderful traits to carry on as they insure that humanity is in fact caring and nurturing enough to usher in one generation after another. These qualities make it possible for human beings to stand with one another and recognize the pain and hardships that affect others and to grant aid to others when they’re in need. The ability to feel what another is feeling or at least come to them in their time of need is in fact important to the mindset of a healthy and functioning human being.

Why then would anyone need hatred, or any of the negative traits that are associated with such a powerful emotion? The quick and easy answer is that we don’t, that such a powerful feeling/force is something that humanity would love to obliterate. But if that were possible, which sad to say it’s not, then it’s likely that life would become very boring.

Why is that you say?

Humans live their lives in a day to day blur that encompasses a great deal of emotion, some positive, some negative, but almost always in an ordered sense of chaos that somehow squares itself away now and again so that we don’t end up going insane over every little moral or ethical conundrum we come across. If all we had was an overwhelming sense of positive vibes to combat it with then it’s very possible that we’d run out of gas eventually.

No one wants to think of negativity as being useful, no one wants to think of hatred as being a tool, because quite honestly many think that this is a trap that people fall into by believing that they can utilize it to their own ends. Some think by using it we tend to deaden our other senses to the positive moments in life. They might even go so far as to say that taking a negative or realistic outlook on anything without being constantly positive is a negation of the hope that we need in order to see the next day.

The world isn’t an inherently positive or negative place. It’s a hodgepodge of hope and beauty and of despair and suffering. It’s up to us to choose which we pull from and which we choose to acknowledge.

The Mountain and the Wind


I stayed while you went, and remember you when you’re gone.

Said the mountain to the wind.

You move to and fro, and keep traveling on.

My friend you stay put and don’t change much at all.

Said the wind to the mountain

I rise and I coast on by watching you stand tall.

My place is here, says the mountain, I keep it well and stay strong.

My place is the sky, says the wind, I’m in no one place for that long.

I enjoy our talks, our times, and our bond, says the wind to the mountain

It gladdens me to see you still here.

Who would I speak to and call upon

If you were not here?

Says the mountain, Your nature is clear to me and to all

You’ll find new vistas whether I stand or fall.

Your purpose remains the same as mine in this world, and is known only to you.

No one may possess what is meant to be you.

We all have those friends that come and go in our lives, some best friends, some passing acquaintances. The important part is that they enrich our lives, grant us the peace and serenity to understand how important it is to trust one another, and to rely on each other when in need. While we might not see them for years, or we might see them every day, those friends we value in this life are those that make life worth living, and are the strength we rely on to carry on.

The Connection


There’s something there, I know there is, no matter that I can’t always feel it.

Somewhere between the creator and the creation there’s a connection that goes deeper than anything that anyone understands.

The bond between the creator and the created is a link that can’t be severed no matter if one sells their creation, destroys it, burns it, erases it, or simply gives it away.

It remains theirs, their own, and their idea that was brought into the world born on wings of whatever medium they chose.

They are the creator that brought it to life, the one that had the initial spark deep within their mind, their heart, perhaps even their soul.

Do they own it though?

Do they continue to own that which they’ve disowned?

Do they have any right to that which they are forever connected despite their lack of ownership?

Do they?

There is a connection, there’s no doubt of this link that binds them forever.

But does it give them the right to their creation?

What does it take to sever the connection?

Is there anything?

Is there?

There is a connection there, I know there is.

-take this as you will into the New Year. We grow, we move on, we change, but that connection is always there, like it or not.

Back In the Day Applied Today

“Back in the day wasn’t perfect, but it worked.”


A lot of us these days are looking around at the world as it sits and wondering ‘what the hell happened?’. People are getting offended by the slightest things that they never expressed any problems with years before. They’re taking up for causes that they could have easily championed years before now and claiming that things have been heading this way for decades if not longer. They’re making claims that aren’t based on evidence of any kind, only stories, feelings, and emotions that they believe are completely valid based on whatever agenda they wish to push forward.

How the hell did this happen? The sad part is that those of us that belong to the past generations can’t really claim complete innocence. There are those of us that wanted the generations after us to succeed, to do better, to live an easier life than we had, and the problem therein is that we started to give them things, to grant them chances in life that they didn’t need to fully work for. Does anyone dispute this? We wanted better for them, and as a result gave more than taught when it came to their ability to earn a living.

The result at this point is that confusion and entitlement has become the norm. Those that can’t do for themselves stick their hands out, they blame the world around them for the chances they don’t have, the chances they’ve missed, and the opportunities that are not ‘given’ to them. In other words, we don’t give enough because we’ve given so much that they figure we should keep on giving.

The sad truth is that this is what’s happened, no matter that people don’t want to admit it. Blaming someone else for being unable to survive on your own thanks to a lack of skills is far easier than taking ownership that you can’t figure out how to be a free-thinking individual that can make your own decisions. Anyone remember how that would have been dealt with in the past? We would have been laughed at, we would have been called weak, and people would have expected us to pull ourselves up and figure life out.

Nowadays those people are being given the type of help you would normally give an invalid or a mentally disabled individual.

Back in the day we didn’t get offended by everything, we didn’t cry over things that didn’t deserve that kind of emotional output, and we certainly didn’t shy away from discussions concerning the different ideals we held. We said what we had to say, we handled our business, and we went on with our lives. There are still people crying over one issue or another that has been largely settled over the years, creating drama because THEIR lives are in the pisser and trying to gain followers to THEIR cause.

It’s the era of “Give me things because I want to act like a victim”. And to be honest, it can’t end soon enough.

You Might Like It, But I’m Saying It

“No one owes you anything.”

-Amelia Boone

Does anyone understand that these days? Be it a woman that thinks that she’s being held down because she’s a woman, or anyone of any other ethnicity that believes that their race, skin color, or nationality is keeping them down, the idea seems to be that since they’re not white and male, their lives will be more difficult because of it. The sound you should hear next are the crickets that come when people are literally forced into a silent moment as they try to assimilate the utterly moronic view that anyone is able to be held back simply because they were born to one race or another, or were born anything but male.

Because obviously at this point in the US, being born white and male is the ultimate trump card, no pun intended, simply because so many people seem to think that we (yes I am a white male) are given everything and given the kind of life that is simple, privileged, and all in all just better than anyone else.

Yeah, and if you believe that, I’ve got a bridge to sell you.

Let’s counter those arguments shall we?

  1. White men are not privileged unless they’re born to rich families, which many of us are not. Those that are granted any type of privilege are those that are born into families where privilege was hard-won by the generations before them, meaning that someone WORKED to gain that fortune, and was likely white or otherwise depending upon their family tree. Those white men in this day and age that are supposedly ‘privileged’ and yet don’t have the personal fortune to really back this up are typically those that work for their money, meaning that the only real privilege they have comes from their willingness to work, the endurance to work long hours, and the fortitude to stick with any menial or skilled labor they can find unless their education is great enough to afford them a higher-paying position. Privilege might very well be enjoyed by some, but quite honestly, there is little privilege in busting your ass for yourself, for your family, and for the opportunity to earn a living. If that’s what privilege is then we’re all privileged, which is a point that many people simply miss during their inane ranting and raving.
  2. White men today are not slave owners. That’s right, no one OWNS anyone any longer, no matter that so many people have used the term ‘slavery’ in a much broader term to justify their own arguments. Many people alive today are those that have had the choice to take on a service job that pays them to serve others, but to still remain a free individual that is able to do what they want in life. Those that remain today that can recall the horrible times when those of other colors and races were ill-treated and experienced such things deserve reparations, as they were the ones that went through it, they’re the ones that had to suffer. The rest of you need to recognize that you were born free and are free no matter how much you seek to play the part of the victim.
  3. There are white men that are a serious problem in this country, of that there’s no doubt. Yet lumping us all together, saying that we’re all the problem, that being a white male is enough to make a person an enemy, that all white people are racist, is just as bad as a white person being an unapologetic racist. There’s no dividing line there save for the color and race of the individual. Believe it or not, EVERYONE can be racist, no matter what color or nationality you are. It’s very possible for every last person on this earth to be racist since it’s a LEARNED set of beliefs. Racism is not inherent, nor is it innate to any single person. Hate and racism are learned behaviors people, they’re not bound to one race or another.

This is the world we live in, and honestly it’s one that’s a bit unnerving to be raising the next generation in.

Forever Finite (part VI)


May 23rd, 1969

Tank Island, Florida

He burst from the depths, gasping as he leaned back, dipping below the surface just once as he began to kick his legs, easily falling into a rhythm despite his burning lungs and the need for air. Opening his eyes he expected to see the home of one of his neighbors, which was usually empty as the owners were constantly on the move and owned other homes across the country. But that wasn’t what he saw.

Evan was no closer to the island than he’d been when he’d unknowingly submerged, but instead of the opulent homes and the occasional boat that was to be seen darting around or near the island he saw what looked like an undeveloped island where his home had been just moments before.

“What the hell?” he breathed, still kicking his legs to stay afloat.

“Man in the water!”

The cry startled him but also alerted Evan to the sudden presence of a very large ship that was bearing down on him to the left, coming dangerously close as he saw a few men looking over the rail at him, a few of them seeming kind of rough and perhaps in disbelief that he’d just appeared out of nowhere.

For whatever reason the sudden sight of an old-fashioned life preserver struck a chord of dread in him that he couldn’t explain, and even as the men were shouting at him Evan was diving, seeking the cool depths and the ring once more as his confused mind sought to leave the surface behind once again, if only to bring some semblance of sense to this strange development.

(to be continued)

Absolute Silence is not Absolute Ignorance


To be silent is not weakness.

It is not the quiet cry of the meek.

In the quiet we seek stillness

A reprieve from the weak.

They shout to the heavens, to any that will hear

They cry for the things they think lost.

Yet knowledge of what they want when it’s near

And the ignorance of what it might cost.

Those fools that bring hatred and cruelty and rage

What they fight for they can’t or won’t say.

When asked their cause, their purpose on stage

Will retreat, to spew their hatred another day.

-Against those that think they stand for something they can’t fully describe, silence is sometimes the best weapon, since eventually their words will rebound back to them. Hopefully they’ll hear how foolish they sound.


Forever Finite (part V)


May 23rd, 2019

Sunset Key, Florida

He could see the rink despite the murk that had descended upon his vision. Whether it was from the lack of air or light he could no longer tell, but before he knew it he was in front of the intricately-carved ring, his hands already brushing along the strange designs he could see etched into the stone that surrounded its opening, caressing it as though he’d seen it many times before and not just today.

A deep, rhythmic booming sound distracted him suddenly as it came from above, causing Evan to look up as he moved through the ring’s opening without thinking. He felt a brief tingle, then a faint pulling sensation, as though something was trying to resist and thrust him back through the other side. It didn’t take much effort as he forced himself away from the ring, but now his lungs were absolutely screaming for air as he pushed up from the sea floor without thought.

Propelling himself upward he fought against the need for air as he could see blackness beginning to develop at the corners of his sight, threatening to take over if he didn’t reach the surface soon. He could see the shimmering brightness above him, tantalizing in its closeness as it remained just out of reach. With one final burst of energy he reached for the surface with both hands, as though he could pull the water down so that he might lift his head up and take a life-saving breath of air.

And then his head broke through, and the first gasp seared his lungs as he crested, then fell back into the water, swallowing a mouthful of the salty fluid as he choked and sputtered. Evan’s muscles were screaming at him now, his lungs were like twin bellows that had been worked too hard, and his throat felt instantly raw as he continued to cough up the sea water that had entered his mouth unbidden.

But when he clear his eyes, the woes of his body became the least of his concerns.

(to be continued)

Talking to Protesters


If you’ve learned anything in the last two years since Trump took office it’s this: protesters will never listen to anything that doesn’t involve agreeing with their ideals. While most of them will gladly talk your ear off about what they believe in and why, very few of them will stay quiet for long when you decide to disagree with them. You can probably guess where I’m going with this so I won’t delay the inevitable, Antifa is the worst among them all.

Why? If you’re asking that then you might have decided, like a lot of other rational beings, to simply stay out of it and not allow yourself to think about the black-clad, moronic musings of the supposedly anti-fascist group that seems to pop up whenever they catch a whiff of anything that smells like injustice or a good reason to provoke others. The moment anyone tries to speak to them, especially if that person doesn’t fully agree with their beliefs, they’re either a fascist, a Nazi, or a white supremacist, no matter what color, religion, or race they are. Yep, a group that preaches tolerance and a love for all humanity makes assumptions about others on little more than a minor disagreement of values and ideals, but they’re ‘tolerant’.

It’s easy to call out individuals in these groups, and Luis Marquez, a known instigator that’s been arrested more than once, is among the worst of them. He’s one of the black-clad individuals that will actually provoke a fight, will talk as much as he can while backed by dozens of his fellow Antifa members, and then call other people out because they won’t do anything. The moment he’s challenged however his mouth starts to run, unless someone says something that shuts him up, you know, something logical that he can’t possibly argue against.

This is how it is however, while many of the groups that have decided to march and protest in support of their ideals are free to do this and free to say what they want, it doesn’t make them free to block roadways, destroy property, or be a general nuisance to those that are stuck in the middle just trying to get through their day. The ‘good’ they believe they’re doing is more harmful than anything that’s happened in the last two years, but trying to tell them this is about as productive as banging your head against a wall. At least that headache can be alleviated by painkillers.

With Antifa and all the rest there’s no set solution yet that won’t go against everything that people on both sides believe in.