It Sounds Like a You Problem, Not a Me Problem

Taking accountability instead of blaming others for your choices is important.

Has anyone ever said to you, “This sounds like a you problem, not a me problem”? It’s not something that sounds polite right off the bat. But it is accurate in a lot of ways. People telling each other about their problems is normal. We seek help and others are willing to give it when such a thing is warranted. However, some folks love listing their issues and problems to others rather than taking accountability for the things they’ve done or said. The fact is, some folks don’t like taking responsibility. It means they have to admit they’re wrong.

It’s fair to state that no one wants to admit that they’re wrong. It doesn’t stroke your ego, and it does make a person face up to their own mistakes. There are plenty of people that don’t want to look in the mirror to admit that they made mistakes. Blaming others means that a person can’t face what they’ve done or said. Yet, somehow, this has still become common practice.

The reason this happens is kind of amusing, in a sad way.

Telling people that “It sounds like a you problem not a me problem” sounds kind of mean and dismissive, doesn’t it? Some people might even call it a microaggression. But the truth is that this is how some people tell others that the problem they’re complaining about amounts to something that they’re responsible for.

The truth is that too many people who don’t take responsibility often do this for various reasons. They feel inadequate, they don’t like being ridiculed, mocked, or made to feel small. In such cases, their need to shove their personal responsibility onto others translates in several different ways. In fact, this is where victimhood can and does come from. But that’s a subject for another article.

In short, if you have an issue, forget the tissue and grow up. Take responsibility for your own life and stop blaming others. Have enough self-respect to look at your life and think about what you can do to fix whatever’s wrong, not blame others for your own mistakes.

Yes, Women Gravitate Toward Jerks

It’s irritating that women love jerks, isn’t it? But there are reasons.

Yes, women gravitate toward jerks, and it’s a pain in the ass. Unfortunately, some ladies do have their reasons. A lot of guys don’t want to listen, or they want something that’s well out of their grasp. A lot of guys don’t want to lower their expectations. But the truth fellas is this: women are going to make up their own minds. They might not always enjoy the consequences, but they do.

It’s about confidence.

Like it or not fellas, confidence is key with a lot of people. It’s a strength and weakness thing that a lot of people don’t enjoy hearing about, since there are those who believe that being a nice guy should be the ticket to making people happy. That’s a nice thought, but it’s not realistic. Jerks have an edge because they’re confident in themselves, at least on the outside.

Self-confidence is attractive to many people. Women love this quite often. Not all women care about it. But enough want the confidence that exudes from a jerk’s pores that it’s been noticed for years. Granted, not every man that feels confident in their person is a jerk. But this goes to prove a point, if you know what you’re worth and know how to prove that you are, people take notice.

Women like the dangerous aspect

This is kind of debatable since women do like the edgy, rebellious type. This much has been proven more than once over the years. But unfortunately, this is a quality that backfires on a lot of women at one point or another. Either the bad boys grow up, get tamed, or they somehow reveal a vulnerability that topples their entire image.

There’s also the very real possibility that they’re such narcissists that women will have to fight for their time in front of the mirror. That’s kind of a funny image to be honest.

It’s annoying as hell, but it happens.

The fact is that yes, that women gravitate toward jerks, and it’s tough to understand. Nice guys aren’t owed the attention of a woman just because they open a door or are willing to buy women anything they want. But ladies, and I say this with respect, finding a man that treats you kindly but will take no shit is tough for one reason: you don’t appear to be looking for that.

The Broken Record Syndrome is Very Real

Have you ever seen a person get so mad that they keep repeating themselves?

If you watch YouTube or are a creator, or watch TikTok or Karen videos, then you’ve likely seen this happen more than once. The Broken Record Syndrome, as I’m calling it and a few others might know it, is very real. People get so upset or so threatened or so triggered that they end up repeating the same thing. Sometimes they’ll do this for a few seconds. Some do it for minutes at a time.

The idea of a broken record is that it gets stuck and can’t escape that one point where it skipped. This same idea appears to apply to people who are so angry that their thought process breaks down. They simply go back to the last thing they said in order to convince themselves that they’re saying something worthwhile.

Often this happens during a verbal fight or an altercation that might even feel staged. But the general rule of this syndrome is that the person speaking becomes stuck on a single line that they repeated over and over. It becomes repetitive after the second time, and irritating every time after this. Unfortunately, assaulting a person to see if it helps their internal needle get back on track isn’t allowed, but it’s certainly tempting at times.

Why do people do this? Well, the unfortunate fact is that this can’t be chalked up to a mental condition, unless one is ready to make a quip about such things. But people continually repeat themselves for the same reason they do the same things in their lives. They expect a result at some point.

It might be interesting to conduct a study of this with others in attendance. THere are plent yof people out there who wonder about the same thing, don’t you think?

When Reality Knocks It’s Not a Microaggression

A reality check isn’t enough any longer, a lot of people need a healthy slap of realism to the face.

When reality knocks it’s not a microaggression, it’s a chance to welcome reality back into the mix. Way too often in the past several years many people have found it tough to say something without suffering for it. Racist, misogynist, ableist, and many other -ists and -isms have emerged from the muck of humanity to bother those who simply want to go on about their day.

The BLM has risen to convince people that they’re victims. The Proud Boys fight against the BLM. People fight over equal rights that they already possess. Life was a mess before, now it’s a soupy morass that sucks at the collective boots of humanity. Seriously, it does feel as though people have forgotten what it takes to treat each other like human beings.

It’s not a universal feeling, thankfully. There are still plenty of people who are willing to live and let live. Women have their issues, physically, mentally, emotionally, and so do men. But at some point, many people started allowing those with an axe to grind to shove a finger in their face and tell them that they’re the problem. The truth of this is that people CAN be a problem. But life is filled with problems, and it doesn’t require human beings to make things worse.

Personal accountability, responsibility, and accepting the world as it is and can be, not as one demands it to be, is important. There’s so much to unpack when it comes to humanity that it would take several volumes to explain it all. There are also many ways to start this process of self-realization.

Own up to your bullshit. Life isn’t fair, and that isn’t going to change. What you can do is realize that every little perceived microaggression is not a stab at you as a person. Instead, it’s the people around us attempting to reason with the world in a way that they understand.

In other words: grow up and go on about your day. You get to do what you want unless you disable yourself, emotionally and mentally.

Grow up, live your life and take responsibility for it.

People Want to Live Together, They Don’t Know How

Differences between people are used to divide when they could bring people together.

This could be aggression, or support. It depends on perspective.

People want to live together, but somehow, they can’t figure out how. As each year passes people find ways to divide society. Folks somehow justify this by stating that they’re attempting to unify society, by weeding out the harmful elements.

Seriously?

If there’s anything that’s truly abhorrent to me, and to many others, it’s the idea that excluding others for arbitrary reasons is within the same vicinity as ‘okay’. But that’s my opinion, along with many others. Opinions are like assholes, bellybuttons, and many other analogies that people come up with. Everyone has them, and sometimes they can reek to high heaven. Yeah, it’s an old and tired analogy, but thankfully it’s still applicable today since people are still creatures of habit, as we’ve seen so often over the past several years.

People can’t live together indefinitely, that’s a proven fact that’s occurred more than once in human history. We’re too different, we don’t agree on several points of life that feel trivial, and too many folks are insistent that their way is the ONLY way to live. Seriously, people get older, they age, and yet they still manage to regress at times when it comes to the beliefs they hold onto for so long.

There are facts we need to remember

Let’s break it down, just so people get the information quick and without too much fanfare. I get it, the attention span of the average individual is fairly low.

  1. We’re not all the same, we’re different, and this is an immutable fact.
  2. Humanity did have a common ancestor, but as the species spread out, we differentiated according to our environment. In other words, folks like Nick Cannon are full of it when they state that one race of people are violent due to a lack of melanin. Sorry Nick, white folks were violent, but there other reasons, and the lack of melanin came from the lack of need for it as people moved to locations where the sun didn’t shine as often, y’know, like the far north.
  3. Slavery is not a white invention, since historical facts have arisen over the years that show how slaves have been a part of society since before recorded history. Like it or not, the human race as a whole is a violent species, not just white people, not just black people, and not just one race in general.
  4. It is possible to live with each other. It’s not easy, but it’s possible, if you practice tolerance and acceptance.
  5. You don’t run the world. Even the POTUS doesn’t run the world. You have control over yourself, that’s it.

Final Thoughts

This world will likely never reach a utopia stage. That’s a sad fact to think about, but it’s realistic. What we can do is at least attempt to get along with each other. In this manner life becomes livable. The only question now is when and if it will happen.

What Do You Want to Write?

What story do you want to tell?

Everyone has a story to tell, and only you can tell it in your voice, no matter how skilled a mimic someone might become. I’ve already said ‘don’t write for the money’, but you’ll hear me harp on that and many other subjects over and over until it’s reverberating in your skull. Why? That’s simple, because you’re the writer, the one with a story to tell, and the focus that you need to gather around before you start expanding your awareness to those that are ready to hear the same tale. It sounds vague and a little off-key, doesn’t it? But the truth is if you want to write, you’ll listen to the crazy just as much as the rational side of your mind since creating harmony between the two is sometimes essential to make this process work.

You’ve got a story to tell, right? You might as well make it interesting and let both sides of your personality, or all sides, have their say from time to time.

Are you a poet or a novelist?

So, you have a way with words, yeah? What way is that? Do you like to rhyme, do you feel a cadence within each word that has to be adhered to and/or applied in a manner that makes sense as you lead people down your path? Or are you the type to take an idea and guide people down the twisting highways of your imagination? A person can do both, but the strain that’s bound to come is going to be immense after a while since different styles of writing demand a lot and the respect due to each style is great enough that one should take the time to understand what they’re trying to accomplish. If you’re into telling epic tales that people will want to keep reading, then a short story, a novella, or a novel might be the best way to go. But if you can tell a story in a few lines of poetry then congrats, you’ve mastered another skill that is exceedingly tough.

Which style is more discerning? Well, that’s complicated, especially since according to many people, there are many different styles to adhere to, methods to apply, and techniques that will allow you to write in a manner that will attract the notice of those who will gladly pay you for your works. If I could roll my eyes on the page at the moment I would be, trust me. But, moving on.

There are hurdles to get past.

You’re not going to be a fantastic, best-selling writer from the start, just get that idea out of your head right now. If you do find success easily and without struggle, then I do feel sorry for you, since much like the life of a musician or an actor, adversity helps writers to get better at their craft, to hone their skills, and to find the necessary emotion to put into their works so that people will FEEL what they’re talking about and really get into the idea of what’s been written. Those who find success early and easily, sorry, but you might have the right connections to make it happen; it doesn’t mean you have the talent to sustain a long-lasting career. Remember Eragon? Everyone thought that kid was amazing for turning in a series at such a young age. But the trouble is that by taking elements from other stories in such a manner, one becomes a copycat, which is only a step up from being a plagiarist, and while his story became popular, it’s more of a testament to how fickle the fans are than to how great his work was or wasn’t.

Like it or not, you’ll have to get better at writing, you’ll need to listen to critiques, you’ll have to rewrite parts of your great works, and if you want to get noticed, you’ll have to work for it. This profession isn’t easy, it’s not kind, and it’s not about to see you succeed unless you’re willing to tear yourself apart and rebuild to get where you want to be. You might be a talented writer, but if you want to be a successful writer, you’ll have to work harder than you ever have before.

Write for you, then write for others.

This is one point that I will always give out for free since it’s one of the best ways to go when it comes to writing. Write what you like, write for yourself, and make sure that you like what you’re writing. This is you, this is your life, your mind, your thoughts and hopes that are spilling onto the page. If you don’t like it, how is anyone else supposed to?

The truth is that not everyone will like what you write. Face that, get over it, and understand that you can’t please 100 percent of the people 100 percent of the time. Shoot, if you’ve worked in food service or retail you should already know that much. But write what you want, write what makes you happy, and if people give you ideas on how to improve and how to make it better, at least give them them the time of day and listen. They’re not making demands, they’re simply telling you what might work and what they think your writing could benefit from.

Be happy in what you do, but be willing to listen to ways that might make it better. That’s one way you become a better writer, and how you learn to become a great writer. Write what you want, and then make it better.

Writing is Important to Society. But Why?

From writing out your grocery list to creating an epic tale, society depends heavily on writing.

The ability to write is far more important than some folks are willing to admit since using the symbols we call numbers and letters into stories that have meaning and emotional content is how civilization has been built. Writing, much like mathematics, is a part of everything in a very fundamental way. While math might exist without words in every facet of nature, writing is the method by which we connect one facet of life to another as we seek to give meaning to the world in which we exist. To put it simply, writing is another form of communication that keeps people together and forms a foundation that can be built upon.

Oral Communication vs. The Written Word

When one thinks about it, quite a bit of human history, from culture and tradition to simple facets of life that are important for survival, were at one time handed down orally from one person to another. The only problem with this is that at one point, even the most astute storyteller will start to forget pertinent facts. The human mind is vast and can contain a myriad of facts and data, but at some point, the flesh and blood organ between our ears will wear out and show its limits. The written word is a means by which people have been able to convey meaning to one another in one way or another. By this method, humanity has built a foundation that has existed for far longer than anyone can recall.

If one looks back across the vastness of history they’ll realize that writing has influenced a great many things that have come to pass, and continues to do so. Without getting too deep into the subject, writing is how we mark our history, the passing of years, and the many occurrences that people deem to be important to the continued evolution of humankind. Writing is how we continue to build, to change, and to evolve. Without it, we become ignorant of our own history, and without knowledge of the past or the present, it’s possible that civilization would break down in a very big way.

What does writing mean to you?

A lot of people don’t take into account what writing really means or why it’s important to start with. Some folks are raised with their eyes virtually glued to a TV screen or a device that can give them instant gratification whenever they want it. But guess what? Writing is still involved. Whether it’s a snippet or a full-length novel, or something even more grandiose in nature, writing is at the heart of it, because it is needed, it is sometimes required, and it is a method that humanity requires to communicate in several different ways.

Writing is important because it helps to remind us who we are, who we’ve been, and who we might yet become.

Don’t Look for the Dollar Signs, Just Write

Tell your story before you worry about padding your bank account.

I’ve heard it more than once that everyone is seeking those dollar signs and are ready and willing to do what they want to make sure that their account grows along with their acclaim. I might be a sucker, I might be a fool, but one thing I know I’m not is a sellout, since I’ll tell my story in the hopes that people will enjoy it, and that it will inspire others to do something great. I’m not an idealist, and I’m not foolish enough to think that living without pay and writing without wanting to become known is the ultimate goal. But if all you’re writing for is the money you might as well own up to it and make it known that your stories are little more than minor variations on a mold that was made a long time ago. Be fair to yourself and your readers and be original.

Money is important, there’s no doubt.

It’s important to make money to survive, there’s no doubt of that, especially since people need to pay their bills, they need to eat, they need to support their family and so on. But if money is the only drive you have when it comes to writing then there’s something missing. People might scoff at the idea that passion is that important, but one has to remember that people who read your material, if they’re in need of a great story, will know when someone is dialing it in versus when they dig deep deep and seek to tell a story that will last. Passion is what separates the great stories from those are trying to make a few bucks.

I know, people who make the big bucks and those who support them are going to counter with the idea that if one makes the money, then there’s no reason to keep up that type of passion, especially the type that can wear a person out. That’s kind of like riding a wave with the idea that it’s going to last forever, without seeing that rocky shore come closer and closer. Passion doesn’t keep you off the rocks, but it sure as hell teaches you how to dodge, evade, and navigate a landscape that’s ready and willing to tear apart any writer that doesn’t know how to handle the pitfalls that come with writing.

Here endeth the sermon…for now.

You want to write? You want to make money? Then reach down deep and find the passion you need to make it happen. Change as you feel the need, not just when people tell you to. Adjust, evolve, adapt, and keep the passion that brought you to this game. The moment you search for dollar signs is the moment that you lose sight of what it is you’re all about. Your writing is meant to show your state of mind and how you want to speak to the people. Accept the money if it comes, use it to your advantage, but my advice is to keep that passion for as long as it lasts. The money will come if it’s meant to, and if you learn how to make flow.

Write, just write, and let the money come if it will.

Existing In the Middle

images

Oh people, our world is split down the middle it seems, at least on some days. But at the same time many people insist that being in the middle is only for those that want to be torn apart by those that will condemn them for being complacent enough to not choose a side. In other words, if you’re not for one side or the other, there are plenty of people that are willing to assume you’re supporting the opposing side either through your silence or because you just don’t care.

Sigh.

The middle is, quite honestly, where people want to make a difference while still holding onto the things that work. It’s where those of us that exist in relative peace with one another are willing to move forward based on our differences and how we can find similarities that can offset them in an effort to make our society work. It’s where people go that want to live their lives rather than get triggered over the slightest insult or become enraged by the imagined slights that the world has offered them.

Bad things have happened in this world, bad things still happen, and there’s no denying that our history as human beings involves us doing horrible things to one another in the past and even now. But the middle is where you go to find a solution, while the right and the left are where you go in order to blame the other side for this or that without being willing to find a compromise of any sort. The left and the right are where a person can go to shed all responsibility for their own actions, decisions, and beliefs while condemning the other side for their lack of insight into their way of life.

You know what else the middle is for? We get to live our lives and laugh at the left and right as they try to make the world a better place in their own image, taking one step for every four or five that they fall back.

It’s damned hilarious some days.