In an event that has been described by many bystanders as stunning and yet ‘undeniably pathetic’, a local barista took a stand against an angry mob a few days ago. Martha Mayhew, one of the top baristas in the city, had a minor supply setback on September 1st and had to decide whether to open shop or stay closed for the day, which would have lost her coffee stand a substantial amount of business for the day and possibly for month had she not acted quickly and decisively.
“I already had an angry mob on my doorstep, and I wish I was exaggerating” Martha stated, “They were threatening to break in and get their morning coffee on their own if I didn’t open the doors. I’m happy that I have such a devoted number of customers, but I didn’t expect them to threaten me if they didn’t get their morning bean juice. I mean, come on, I know that Portlanders are crazy about their coffee, but there’s a shop every few hundred yards, there was no need to get aggressive.”
Reportedly, Martha slipped out the back of the shop in order to find the nearest grocers after discovering that the store hadn’t resupplied by the owner the week before. While the owner wasn’t available for comment, Martha has made it clear that she feels lucky to have the help of the local grocer, who decided to remain nameless, since the individual not only helped to resupply the store, but agreed to wave a substantial portion of their fee for this act of kindness. As for Martha, the savior of the day, many of the disgruntled and under-caffeinated Portland natives were duly impressed, after they overcame their irritation, when she calmly told them that they could wait patiently for their morning latte, or they could make their way to the next coffee shop down the street.
“She was calm and composed,” said one of those who threatened to break down the doors, “She actually told me I could park it and wait or move my happy a** down the way. Normally I’m not intimidated by anyone, but the way she said this, I felt my sphincter tremble.”
As of now, the coffee shop is back in full swing, and many of the regulars have done their best to spread the belief that Martha is one of the ‘toughest baristas in all of Oregon’.