San Diego, CA
Most people would agree that pandas are undeniably cute and appear entirely cuddly when they’re frolicking about and eating, playing, and eating some more. One man however found out that pandas can be a little more than fur and fun when he took a drunken dare and broke into the San Diego Zoo only two nights ago. Michael Dullird was lucky to survive the fall into the panda habitat that he took after climbing the barrier, but he was even luckier when he ran afoul of a mother panda that took his presence as a threat to the younger pandas that were in the habitat. Upon trying to pick up one of the cubs to snuggle with it Michael quickly found that as cute and furry as they look, pandas do in fact have very sharp teeth and claws that are fully capable of tearing open one’s clothing and finding the flesh and bone beneath.
“There weren’t that many of us on hand that night,” said zookeeper Mark Bissy, “He’s lucky that we were nearby and heard the commotion, otherwise it’s likely that Agnes, the mother that tore into him, might not have stopped. Pandas aren’t known for being overly aggressive unless they feel threatened, but when they do get rough they’re known to be able to turn deadly in a hurry.”
The price of Michael’s foray into the zoo will include a trespassing charge along with animal abuse, but it will be some time before he’s brought before a judge thanks to his injuries. The bodily toll of his drunken adventure amounted to several deep lacerations and puncture wounds that required dozens of stitches to close, two broken fingers, facial lacerations that will leave definite scars, and a broken eye socket from a collision that occurred when Agnes knocked him down. All in all, he’s lucky to be alive, but many would agree that it’s a conditional type of luck.
The stupidity is just too much. That’s all I’ll say.
Maybe he should have challenged Agnes to a kung fu match.