Egyptian Wives Ranked #1 Internationally for Beating Their Husbands

Camas, WA

            In one of the strangest divorce proceedings that’s taken place in the city of Camas in a long time, Darlene Maple has filed for divorce from her husband, Cain, after 34 year of what many people would call a happy marriage. The couple could be heard arguing three blocks away the night that the split supposedly became a possibility, and only two days later friends and family state that Darlene filed papers and handed them to Cain.

            “They’ve never had a fight that lasted more than a day,” says Greta Gershenlicker, Darlene’s older sister, “I’m kind of siding with Cain right now since his story checks out and makes it seem like my sister is being kind of a nut.”

            The story, as it’s been told, goes that Cain, who is a hard-working, respectful, and very loving husband decided to take a day to himself after working several double shifts at the processing plant he works at. Darlene, who is a part-time student and full-time homemaker, asked if he could help her with the groceries that day and instead of jumping up to help as always, Cain apparently continued to enjoy his day off. When asked repeatedly for help Cain had this to say about how things escalated:

            “I wanted the day to myself in my den, that’s all,” said Cain, “She told me that I could veg out for a while and that she’d take care of everything. I knew she had a test that day that she had to take online, and I knew that she was trying to get everything done at the same time, but the grocery shopping could have waited, so I’m not sure how her timing and execution was my fault. When I did finally bring in the bag, which she had a lot of time to do, she threw a package of lunchmeat at me, saying that it had spoiled while sitting in the hot car. I didn’t have the heart to remind her that it was 30 degrees out that day and our car was like a fridge.”

            At this time Cain hasn’t signed the divorce papers, as he believes that with enough time to cool off Darlene will come to her senses.

@jipplemanip2 tweeted:

            It doesn’t take much to help with the groceries, but tossing a pack of meat at a guy’s head isn’t the answer.

@yaashellno43 tweeted:

            If the neighbors hear me and my boo three blocks over it ain’t because we’re yelling at each other….

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