Street Preacher Condemns Sesame Street (parody)

New York, NY

            There are certain things you just don’t say or do in certain places, especially if you’re condemning a well-known and well-respected part of American society. Recently a self-anointed street preacher that many know by the simple moniker of Poet was beaten nearly unconscious before a passing patrol car stopped by to break up the ruckus that had erupted when Poet had apparently badmouthed and even condemned a TV show that most Americans recognize and still love to this day, Sesame Street.

            “He was hollering that Sesame Street was the first level of hell and stuff like that,” said one of the bystanders, a local resident that caught much of the assault on his iPhone, “I don’t think he needed to be beaten down for it, but you don’t walk around New York badmouthing a show that was based in the city. It might not be a perfect city to a lot of people but it’s our home. You don’t badmouth our home, even if you were born here. Most New Yorkers know that and would keep their mouths shut.”

            The officers that responded to the beat down of Poet made a few arrests after calling for backup and also took the street preacher into custody for inciting a riot and disturbing the peace after watching the video provided by an onlooker. Apparently Poet was not entirely innocent as he proceeded to lob empty bottles at dissenters, some of them made of glass and some containing foul and very suspicious-looking fluids. This earned Poet an assault charge as well, as he was cuffed and taken into custody shortly after the fracas.

            “As far as anyone can tell the guy’s homeless,” said the same bystander that provided the video, “Now he gets to live off the taxpayers and get three hots and a cot for a while unless they let him go. And if he does come back he’ll probably do it again and again.”

            At this time Poet, identified as James Ignatio, has been found to have a criminal record stretching back to the 1990’s, and will be held until sentencing.

@joword45 tweeted:

            What’d Sesame Street ever do to him?

@halitobits34 tweeted:

            Anyone ever notice that you rarely, if ever, get told HOW to get to Sesame Street, even if we know where it is?