Charlie Zelenoff by Karisean on DeviantArt

You see, Charlie did actually get himself entered into an actual MMA match at one point, an actual octagon. It wasn’t for Bellator or UFC mind you, this was a charity match that someone had bestowed upon him for an actual charity, kind of a reason for people to gather around before the actual evening entertainment got started. Charlie was up against a fighter by the name of Eugene Amaritzo, a guy you might not think is much more than a street rat to look at him. Eugene wasn’t in fighting shape but he could bang, he wasn’t a great fighter but he knew how to move, and he had a record of 0-12, at least he did until he met Charlie.

By that point Charlie had proclaimed himself as the all-time greatest champion of UMMAC, what he was calling the Underground Mixed Martial Arts Conference, an entity of his own making. He’d had a belt made up at huge expense to his parents, who he and his wife were still living, much as they are now, and he carried it with him to every ‘fight’ they went to record. He even put this belt on the line at the fight against Amaritzo, stating that he was so confident that he could win that Eugene would be begging him to let him leave the ring. The problem is that Charlie spent too much time focusing on demoralizing his opponent and not enough time on learning all the rules.

Well, as you can imagine the fight came and Charlie was pumped and ready to go. The referee stated the rules, Charlie and Eugene went to the respective corners, and when the ref called for it, they went to war. Or to put it lightly, Eugene went chasing after Charlie in an attempt to take him down, while Charlie was trying to find a way to escape the ring, going so far as to climb up the walls before Eugene, a full head shorter than his opponent, yanked him down and began the ground and pound that Charlie would later claim should have been stopped since he ‘wasn’t ready’.

Oh it was a pitiful fight, as Eugene’s ground and pound couldn’t challenge a beginning fighter let alone someone as ‘great’ as Charlie. And yet it took nearly the whole first round for Charlie to worm his way out of Eugene’s grasp and get back to his feet. From there he attempted to keep the fight in an upright position, punching and kicking ineffectively at Eugene as the smaller fighter took him down again and nearly applied a rear naked choke to poor Charlie, who started pounding the mat, apparently because he was ‘pumping himself up’. Unfortunately for Charlie, he forgot that you just don’t tap the mat in an MMA match unless you’ve had enough.

Eugene won his first victory, and a damned fine belt with gold plating, pronouncing him the new champion of the UMMAC, and improving his record to 1 and 12. And he did it without ever applying that choke hold. As you can guess, Charlie wasn’t too happy about that, and actually demanded his belt back. Huh boy, the story just goes on from there….

(to be continued)

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