There are ways to let people know what you need and what you don’t without being aggressive. In times of need or of distress some people simply push too hard to try to help, and while this is out of good intention most times it’s still fairly easy to tell who’s really there for you and who’s there to make themselves feel better. Those that go the extra mile will often be those that are so desperate to win your undying friendship that they will be cloying, even pushy in their manner. Those that are there to ride or die, as the saying goes, will be those that won’t throw themselves at you, but will gladly be there when you need them as long as they can be.
Get that? The ones you tend to want to keep around are those that are there for you, not those that are trying to get in your good graces continually. You keep who you want in your life, you work with whoever you want, but know the difference between a real friend and a sycophant. It’ll save you a whole world of hurt and headache.
The sycophant will do anything to make you happy, the real friend will be at your side so long as you have their back.
Friendships are a give and take kind of thing, you don’t get to just take, demand, and convince another person into doing what you want without giving up something in return. Those that eagerly see to your every need even if it’s something ridiculous aren’t there for you in the most healthy way, as they tend to need your friendship to validate themselves in some way. A real friend will be there for you when you absolutely need it, but they won’t go sticking their neck out for you over trivial concerns. In fact a real friend might just tell you to go to hell and stop being so needy.
You can push a sycophant a lot further than a real friend, but it’s not recommended to do this to either.
A real friend will let you live your own life while still enjoying their own. The sycophant is there to live vicariously through you most often.
It’s like having a leech attached to your body in a way with a sycophantic individual, they’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy because it makes THEM happy. Even the most manipulative person in the world would be hard-pressed to care about such an individual for long, since the average sycophant doesn’t exert their will all that much when it comes to making decisions on their own. Whatever their friend chooses is fine for them, no matter if they happen to agree or not. A real friend will disagree with you, they’ll make their opinion known, and if you don’t like it that’s too bad, it might be time to argue for a compromise.
It’s better to argue with a friend than listen to a yes-man agree with you all the time.
A sycophant will leave when you insult them and drive them off, but they’ll come racing back the moment you call them. A real friend will only be pushed so far.
Everyone has a breaking point, but a sycophant that lives for the person they idolize, adore, revere, whatever, will suffer a bruised and battered ego more often than not since their self-worth is already below dirt-level and being around you is the only joy they know. It takes a lot to turn a sycophantic friend off to your presence, a LOT. Usually if you drive them off and then call them back they’ll be back before you hang up the phone. A real friend will only allow themselves to be pushed to the limit for so long and then they’ll exercise that free will and cut you loose if need be.
While it’s hard to cut a good friend loose it’s very easy to part ways with someone that won’t give as much to a friendship as they demand. Pushing someone to the limit is a part any friendship, but in order to keep the other person from saying goodbye for good it’s smart to know your boundaries before you test those limits. Sycophants won’t care, their capacity for shame is all but gone and they’ll take whatever you can dish out.
A real friend will take it for so long and then they’ll simply say goodbye. Learn who your real friends are and think twice about pushing them too far, since it’s hard to make good, lasting friendship that you can depend on.