Seattle, WA

May 17th, 2021

Things change all the time, you know? From month to month is about as fast as I can handle, day to day is just too quick, like a teenager experiencing hormone changes quick. That’s just too unpredictable and not at all fun to deal with. It’s happened to me before but I usually shut down when it does. I don’t deal well with conflict, in fact I don’t care to be in the same room with someone that’s going to through anything worse than the indecision that comes with what to order on a pizza. That’s just who I am, I don’t deal with difficulty.

That’s pretty much how I lost her the first time.

Katie was my love, the dream girl I’d wanted since I was old enough to start liking girls, and she was gorgeous. Blonde, wavy hair, a tight body from being an athlete for so many years, and eyes that sparkled when she smiled and still shone when she was anything but happy. She was the perfect girl and she was all mine, because she was into me too. But of course one of us had to mess it up and I think it was me. Murphy’s Law right? Anything that can happen will happen and usually does to the person that pays attention to that kind of stuff. I wish I could say that I didn’t care about it that much but it still eats at me when I think of what I last said to her.

Katie and I grew up together from grade school onward. She was the one that had the crush on me first since she would follow me around all the time and do the things I wanted to do and even ask if she could tag along. I didn’t mind, she was like one of the guys, and if any of the other guys, actual boys, said anything about it then she would show them that she was just as tough and could be just as gross as they were. I think even back then she might have thought she was my girl and I was her guy, because she made it a point to be around when other girls showed interest.

She kept me safe for a lot of years just by being around me to be honest, and I took a lot of that for granted. But for some reason she stuck around.

Unless you’re extremely wise at a young age most people tend to miss that stuff. It’s a pity though, cause that’s the best stuff to pay attention to.

(to be continued)

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